The Christmas month is usually tough for many people. Dealing with difficult families while in addiction recovery becomes a seemingly unsurmountable chore that is difficult to navigate. Especially if one has recently undergone drug rehab.

Although ibogaine, for example, is incredibly effective in shedding light on family traumas, and showing those treated with it where the core issues lie, it is not always the obvious choice for most people, simply because there is so much misinformation around it. Know that here at Tabula Rasa Retreat™, we specialize in ibogaine treatments for addiction, depression, PTSD and psycho-spiritual development, and our policy is one of complete transparency regarding potential risks.

From our experience, the real challenge after rehab lies in steppimg back into one’s life. In most cases, after an ibogaine treatment, or any kind of serious rehab, one returns home armed with new insights about dealing with difficult families while in addiction recovery, but that does not necessarily mean that one’s family has changed. More often than not, in addiction recovery, we have changed; but things and people back home have not.

Because it’s Christmas, and you should always offer yourself a meaningful gift, we suggest a book which has proven invaluable in dealing with difficult families while in addiction recovery.

When you encounter difficult people in your daily life, the easiest solution is to cut ties. But when they are your family, you can’t always end the relationships. What happens when you’re stuck with people who don’t respect boundaries or listen to reason? Eric Maisel, a licensed family therapist and life coach, tackles this awkward question in “Overcoming Your Difficult Family: 8 Skills For Thriving in Any Family Situation.”

To get a sense of the kind of issues Maisel tackles in his book, check out this insightful interview:

The 12 Thoughts of Christmas

In today’s artcile, to keep with the spirit of things, we’ve decided to put together 12 different topics to reflect on, to mimic the old traditional song “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

At the end of this article, we have left you some suggestions of more important books you can gift yourself or others, which help and expand on the topics below. But, for now, here are some general points to consider.

1. 1. Embrace Your Humanity
      The human experience is as wondrous as it is rife with challenges; the actions and words of others often cause us distress. This can take the form of sadness, addiction, self-sabotaging, conflicted conscience, or anger. It can also be triggered by dealing with difficult families while in addiction recovery. The next time someone or something throws you off into such states, instead of pointing your finger at the universe, try this: stand unsurprised, and accept that the universe owes you nothing—it has already given you life. Instead, know that conflict is part and parcel of the human experience, and do what you can to gather yourself. Embrace your humanity, know you are not perfect, and try to improve.

   2. Work With the Limitations of Your Personality 
      The ingredients available to each individual stew in the pressure cooker of personality are just that: ingredients. If the current recipe of our character is too bitter, excessively sweet or far too spicy and indigestible, it is up to ourselves to change the what goes into it. Remember: your personality is your responsibility and determines how you react to others, and vice versa. Only you can tweak the recipe for less distress.

Be Authentic  
As an extension of the previous point, while it is good to improve ourselves, we must also not forget to be ourselves. We will do well to ask for what we need instead of assuming others can read our minds. We can benefit from expressing our boundaries. We can also derive great freedom from saying what we mean. There are countless ways of being you, and not somebody who stands for repression, nor an inveterate people pleaser. We don’t mean you should ignore the importance of others; more so that you would do well to make use of your available personality to upgrade your formed personality.

1.  Be of Service 
   The problem with the human ego is that, while it was designed as an emergency system to keep us alive and safe from danger, our way of life for the past one hundred years or so has put an undue emphasis on the individual. Especially so for those who have suffered from depression or addiction, try to break out of the notion that it must be all about you. As human beings, we thrive in community, not in isolation. Help other people feel better, and you may discover that you get some happiness as a side-effect.

2. Love and Be Loved 
   While a certain part of our nature does require a certain individualism, and identities are unfortunately formed (now more than ever) in opposition to things—hatred for GM technology, rallying against the Left or the Right—remember to be pro-stuff too; but, more importantly, be pro-people. If the pandemic showed us one thing about our nature, is that nobody is an island. Don’t always feel the need to speak; learn how to really listen to others. If you often hold back, or lead with criticism, or are too in tune with your own needs over those of others, make redressing these traits one of your primary life purposes. Loving is important; but so is allowing yourself to be loved.

3. If You Wouldn’t Say It to a Friend, Don’t Say It to Yourself  
   There is a very damaging notion that feelings create thoughts, but it is, in fact, the other way round. Nothing causes us more distress than our unchecked thoughts. Make a point of identifying thoughts that don’t serve you. Then replace them with truer, more rational thoughts. Only you can change the way you think. Your distress is not only made by the thoughts you think, but it actively is those thoughts. Wouldn’t your day be better without the inner monologue that everything is scary, or that everyone else is wrong?

4. Heal the Past 
   Although the past is not in any position to be changed, we can nonetheless change the way we react to it. Too often, the past will re-emerge not just as a memory, but as a character trait developed in reaction to it. In order to heal the past, we can think about how we want to relate to these deep memories. What new tactics can you try out when you are next triggered by rage or regret? From what reserves will you call up the energy to move through the pain? Remember: healing is not a metaphor for wellness. It is a call to action.

5. Create New Coping Strategies for Anxiety 
   Biologically, our bodies are ill-designed to cope with excessive levels of cortisol, which is the stress hormone produced by states of anxiety. In many cases, it is often anxiety that will lead one to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. By deciding to tackle your anxiety head on without the help of benzodiazepines, alcohol or other drugs, you are flipping the switch inside you that controls it. There are many anxiety management techniques you can try—from holotropic breathing techniques, to written exercises in cognitive psychology (see suggested reading list at the bottom), to meditation and exercise. Know that threats to your safety will always be there, and while you cannot change that, you can change how you react.

6. Make Meaning 
   In the race for survival, professional and financial security, what once defined humanity in all its glorious endeavours appears to have been lost in the stampede of the insane rat-race we have allowed ourselves to run: the quest for meaning. Meaning is a psychological experience and can be found by adopting strong life purposes. We may have never devoted serious thought to our own requisites for creating personal meaning. Now is as good a time as any. If we stop looking for it externally, as if it were a thing we had lost, and instead look inside, we will be more open to connecting with that which deeply moves us.

7. It’s Not All About Mood 
   Rather than giving in to your moods, and, for example, say “Today is no good, I’m feeling blue,” you may do better to say things like “I have my novel to write,” or “why don’t I try and work some more on building my online business?” Try and start each day by announcing to yourself how you will make meaning: remind yourself of the value behind dealing with mundane chores and tasks, or of how you will work on upgrading your personality. In embracing both the mundane and the existential as the total project of your life, you bring your attention away from the transience of mood, redirecting it to the permanence of purpose.

8. Upgrade Your Personality 
   You may find that you are not quite how you would like to be; that you are angrier, more impulsive, more undisciplined or frightened than you would care to. Try to choose one aspect of your personality, and ask yourself what type of thoughts and actions align with your intention to upgrade. Then, step by step, introduce those new thoughts and actions into your daily routines.

9. Deal With Your Circumstances 
   While many circumstances are beyond our control, there are many others that we can change, and reducing emotional distress requires action in the real world, not just thinking about change. We often have the tendency to confuse emotional health with the concept of pain-free living. They are not, however, the same thing. So, what is emotional health, if not the absence of pain? It is rather a dynamic, executive awareness, paired with a powerful resilience in the face of adversity, peppered with existential knowledge that you have greater work to do. Rather than learn how to walk on water, learn how to walk on fire. Be completely in the fray, but just enough above it to see the bigger picture.

Our Alternative Christmas Reading List

Did you know that many diseases, and mental health issues are caused by anything less than 8 hours of sleep? Check out “Why We Sleep,” by Matthew Walker, and you will never want to skimp on sleep again.

Real change comes from the compund effect of hundreds of small decisions – doing two push-ups a day, waking up five minutes early, or holding a single, short phone call. Discover the power of “Atomic Habits,” by James Clear.

If you want to learn how to think better, so you may live a better life, check out the very accessible “The School of Life: An Emotional Education,” by philosopher Alain de Botton.

A veritable hands-on manual of how to be your own psychologist, based on the extremely applicable findings of the school of cognitive behavioural psychology, get your pen and journal out and change your cognitive distortions with “The Feeling Good Handbook,” by David Burns.

World-renowned author and physician Gabor Maté has teamed up with his son, Daniel Maté, and both have produced a seminal, scientific and story-filled opus about how the role of stress in our culture determines our well-being: “The Myth of Normal.”

If you want to break free from destructive behaviors to reclaim and recreate your life, Dr. Nicole LePera’s book is a celebration of empowerment that will forever change the way you approach mental wellness and self-care. “How To Do The Work: Recognise Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self.”

Should you find yourself worn down by drug addiction, prolonged depression, chronic anxiety, or if you have been diagnosed with anhedonia, or suffer from PTSD, consider the possibility of giving us a call here at Tabula Rasa Retreat™, or email us at info@tabularasaretreat.com and we will help you decide if ibogaine is the right choice for you.

Here’s to ackowledging the past with a reverent bow; and here’s to thanking our bodies and minds for having made it this far. Know that, though the past happened to you, you are so much more than the sum parts of its total.

Should any of you be dealing with difficult families while in addiction recovery, don’t let anyone tell you you that you cannot flip your inherited script. Is it hard work? Yes, it is. But life holds a bounty of treasures for those willing to travel its bumpy roads. Have a fabulous Christmas, and a truly new, New Year.

Tabula Rasa Retreat has rapidly positioned itself as Europe’s premier ibogaine clinic. Located in the Alentejan region of Portugal, its clientele is mainly from the United Kingdom, Northern Europe, UAE and the USA. All treatments undergo medical vetting and are medically monitored and supervised. Our medical staff are ACLS trained. To support ibogaine treatments, expect holistic therapies such as breathwork, bodywork, massage, meditation, kundalini yoga, reiki, gong baths, drumming circles, equine assisted therapy, personal training and nutrition advice. This is further supported by 1:1 counselling and group therapy by our in-house counsellors.

For further information visit www.tabularasaretreat.com or call PT +351 965 751 649 UK +44 7961 355 530