In last week’s article, Part I of a two-part deep dive into  how to manage your stress and anger, we showed you some of the distorted perceptions that go hand in hand with feeling upset or angry, and introduced you to a few of the principles of cognitive psychology.

We also provided you with a few invaluable tools and guidelines to help you decide whether getting angry about a certain situation is in your best interests, so you can reduce unnecessary stress.

In today’s post, we will complete that list of cognitive distortions, and share more in depth techniques and strategies to add to your arsenal on how to manage your stress and anger without drugs or alcohol.

Ibogaine Treatment for Chronic Anxiety, Stress and Depression

You may choose to do any of the cognititve psychology exercises below at your own pace, but it is also worth noting: should your life be plagued by chronic stress, anxiety and anger, treatments with ibogaine have proven extremely effective in curing addiction, depression, anhedonia, and chronic anxiety, as well as a host of other mental health issues.

Extracted from the root bark of the Tabernanthe Iboga shrub, native to the Congo region of West Africa, ibogaine is a powerful psychedelic entheogen. It is renowned for its ability to cure mood disorders and addiction by revealing key parts of a person’s life, personality and past. By addiction, it is interesting to note, we are not only talking about addiction to drugs such as cocaine, heroin or meth, but also  “addiction”  to certain thoughts, patterns of behavior, or types of relationships.

It is common after a single treatment with ibogaine—which is often all it takes—that a person feels reborn, and sees both their life, and their relationship to the world and others, in a new light.

This is because, during their psychedelic journey while under ibogaine’s influence, this powerful “teacher plant” will show a person  how they have been out of balance. It does this through a series of visions brought up from the subconscious, and what areas of a person’s life they can improve for the sake of joy, wholeness and greater peace.

Dr. C.M. Anderson, of Harvard Medical School, concluded in one of his studies: “Ibogaine works through multiple neurotransmitter systems to create… (a) state of plasticity similar to states of plasticity existing during fetal development. This critical brain state may facilitate the consolidation of traumatic memories, reversal of abnormal hemispheric functions, and the dissolution of habitual motor patterns associated with addiction.

Here at Tabula Rasa Retreat™, we have been helping people help themselves since 2015 with our ibogaine treatments. Whether you are engaged in post-ibogaine aftercare, or whether you are simply looking for a practical way to improve your mental health and reduce the chances of relpase, there are nonetheless a number of things you can do. In order to manage your stress and anger without drugs or alcohol as crutches, consider the following.

More Cognitive Distortions That Twist Your Thinking

When we are angry, frustrated or even depressed, we often develop bizarre abilities to believe, and also lead others to believe, a host of things with little or no grounding in reality.

The job of cognitive psychology is to allow you to look behind the distorting mirrors of your heated perceptions, so for this purpose, we  listed a glossary of the most common cognitive distortions as identified by Dr. Albert Ellis, the founding father of cognitive psychology (For the first three, see previous post.)

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: this is the building block of perfectionism, and is where you evaluate your personal qualities in good-or-bad terms. Say you forget you arranged a movie night with your best friend. You might fall into the trap of saying to yourself: “Typical! I’m such a shit friend!”

The problem with seeing things this way is that life is seldom an either/or equation. Absolutes do not exist. By trying to bludgeon your experiences into absolute categories, you will be creating a pile-up of frustration, because your perceptions will never conform to reality. Furthermore, you will have to try hard to be “a shit friend” allaspects of your relationship with a person.

2. Overgeneralization: This is a very popular distortion, in which we are tempted to conclude that, because a particular disagreeable event happened once to us, it will keep happening for the rest of our lives.

We would do well to wise up to this distortion, since the pain of imagined rejection is derived almost exclusively from it. I knew X wouldn’t like me! I might as well accept I’m destined to be single all my life is one classic example. Without this form of thinking, a personal rejection or affront may be upsetting, sure; but it soon loses the power to become more than it is.

3. Mental Filter : Whenever in the throes of anger, frustration, or stress, our eyes become a pair of lenses that filter out anything positive. This cognitive distortion happens when we pick out a negative detail from a situation and obsess about it, thereby tainting the entire situation as negative, rather than just that aspect of it that was less pleasant.

Disqualifying the Positive: This form of mental illusion happens when you transform positive or neutral experiences into negative ones and is one of the most destructive cognitive distortions by far.  A classic case in point that most people will relate to is how we react to compliments: when someone praises you, you might conclude, “oh, that’s just them being nice.” You may also say to someone else: “you just have no respect for me, do you? You’re always late when you know I hate that!” when, in actual fact, the other person often shows they respect you in other areas and ways which, in the heat of the moment, you choose to ignore.

5. Jumping to Conclusions– The Fortune-Teller Error: In this instance, you jump to unwarranted and unfounded conclusions that are not supported by the facts of the situation. A form of this happens to many people when they are having anxiety or panic attacks. For example, during the process, they tell themselves that they will pass out or go crazy, despite the evidence that they may have never passed out or gone insane before.

6. Emotional Reasoning: You make judgements about certain facts based on how you feel. In actual fact, thoughts are what give rise to feelings, and not the other way around. However, when angry, annoyed, stressed or depressed, we tend to think our feelings—sadness, grief, bitterness—are the gospel truth; but just because you feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true. For example, you are feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, so you conclude that your problems are impossible to solve.

7. Personalization: When we think we are responsible for a negative event which is not our fault, we are creating an unnecessary amount of guilt for ourselves. For example, think of how many parents blame themselves because their child is not doing well at school. Or, for that matter, how many jilted lovers believe their partner’s radio silence can only be their fault, when, in fact, their partner is going through a rough time with their own emotional baggage.

Now that we have identified the remaining 7 out of 10 cognitive distortions, we will be going over a few more strategies to appropriately manage your stress and anger.

The Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts

One of the most elementary and powerful techniques for self-regulation known to cognitive psychology is what is called the “Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts,” developed by Dr. Aaron Beck.

A very efficient form of “emotional accounting,” this method requires six columns, in which you:

1. Describe the situation which led to the unpleasant emotion.
2. In the second column, describe the emotion (anger, frustration, etc); then, rate the degree of the emotion from 0-100%.
3. Write down the automatic thoughts sparked off by the emotion.
4. Identify which cognitive distortions were present in the thoughts you had from the list of 10.
5. Write a more rational, realistic response to those automatic thoughts, exposing the lie behind each one.
6. After you have done this, for each of the thoughts, rate your emotions after, from 0-100%, and compare with the percentages at the start of the exercise.

The majority of times, you will find the percentile reduced from the first moment in which you felt like exploding.

Find Something Else to Do 

When you notice the red curtain descending before your eyes, try to remind yourself that you can turn off the torrent of rage; that it is not the one in control. You can do this by engaging in a different activity.

For example, you could do well at going running, or you could engage in any kind of physical exercise. This is a brilliant strategy, as it allows your body to process the excess cortisol (the stress hormone) which will be present in your system after an angry outburst.

Or, if you prefer, you can call a friend you miss and haven’t spoken to in a while. You can decide to make yourself some tasty food, for example. Or why not go somewhere quiet and engage in 10 minutes of deep breathing exercises such as pranayama yogic box breathing, designed to calm the mind and body.   

The fact is: when you fail to reward your own anger with your unwarranted arousal, such outbursts will become less intrusive and powerful over time.  

 Rewrite the Rules 

A friend of mine—“me” being this blog’s writer—once told me something that did not register at the time, but now, in hindsight, has all the hallmarks of pure wisdom.  

I was complaining about some aspect or other of my family, and their infuriating interpersonal dynamics.  

My friend listened, and when I paused, said this: “you know…it’s far easier to change the way you perceive them and their dynamic than it is for you to make them see things how you’d like them to. It’s just the path of least resistance, you should try it.” 

Needless to say, at the time, I didn’t. I just wanted her to validate how right I felt in my anger.

Years down the line, what I learned from my friend’s simple advice was this: much of our ongoing frustration and anger directed at other people stem from our own unrealistic and often entitled rules about how personal relationships should be conducted.  

If you feel that your relationships are characterized by this kind of dissatisfaction and innate tension, you may be better served re-writing your own rules, like I did.  

From the moment I decided to allow others their own agency and behavioral independence, choosing instead to focus on how affected I would allow myself to be by someone else’s antics, I opened myself up to a glorious antidote: that of the humorous, compassionate and empathetic observer of the often-bemusing behavior of others.

For example, the notion of complete 50/50 reciprocity in romantic relations is as impractical as it is untrue: no two individuals will ever feel in the same way, love in the same way, or be triggered by the same things.  

To flip an adage on its head: “what’s good for the goose is not always good for the gander.”  

The table below will show you a few examples of how rewriting rules can help put the truth to the false beliefs we often convince ourselves of.

The basic principle is: if you have any kind of “should” or “shouldn’t” rule which you notice has been causing you repeated disappointments, try rewriting it in more realistic terms.  

Negotiating Strategies

When it comes to interacting with other people in ways that serve us rather than aggravate us, it is wise to remember the following: most people are not their best selves all the time.

What this means is that we would do well to expect a certain degree of “craziness” or wildcard behavior from people; whether friends, family, partners or from people we buy goods and services off.

For example, say you have had an experience where a mechanic has done a shoddy job at repairing something in your engine before you take it to the MOT inspection, which leads to your car not passing the MOT.

So, you take it to the garage again. Though your initial instinct may be that of fury at the waste of time and money, you can flip the script to your advantage.

If, at this point, you work at eliminating your “should” statement, you will better serve your own peace of mind. By disabusing yourself of the notion that you are entitled to get what you want just because you want it, you will feel less dissonance between reality and your false belief.

In doing this, you will be putting yourself in a space to negotiate getting what you want, rather than polarizing the other person with your seething rage.

Often, a more toned down, yet assertive approach will serve us better. Below are a few negotiating principles that can work in such situations.

1. Instead of scolding the mechanic, to return to our example, compliment him on what he did right, either in this instance or in the past. The reason for this is that most people tend to soften up to flattery, even if it is insincere to the flatterer—it is an automatic reaction. However, the point here is to find something good about the mechanic’s work. Then, once you communicate this, you may say that, for example, considering his excellent work on other occasions, you are having trouble understanding what went wrong this time, but that you really do need it corrected, and you know he can do better.
2. In case he starts arguing with you, find a way of agreeing with what he is saying, regardless—and this is important to note—of how absurd his counter-argument appears; this works by repeating what he just said in a tone that demonstrates you understand his situation, like: “I understand that you’ve been short-staffed, and I can imagine you’re over-worked because of it.” The fact is, most people just want to feel heard, and by giving them that, you are more likely to get them on your side.
3. Then, after this, clarify your point once again, in a calm yet firm manner.

Consider that it may take a few run-throughs of this conversation in varied combinations until a satisfying compromise is reached. Keep your cool and try to be patient. Remember that anger divides; it never unites.

Summary –
10 Things to Note About Your Anger 

1. Remember: the events of the world, in and of themselves, do not have the power to make you angry; only your “hot thoughts” have that power. It is only ever the meaning you attach to a particular event, and not the latter which can throw you off. By taking responsibility for your anger, you are giving yourself a choice about how you want to feel, and reclaiming control over your emotions.
2. If you think that your anger helps you, for example, not be other people’s punching bag, and is therefore useful, remember this is not always true, and that most times, your anger and stress levels are unproductive and immobilizing.
3. The kind of thoughts that create anger in you will more than likely contain cognitive distortions. Correcting these distortions and “talking back” to them with the objective truth will reduce your anger.
4. Your anger will be caused by your belief that someone was unfair, or that certain events are unjust. The severity which you choose to attribute to the event or action is what will dictate the intensity of your feelings.
5. Remember that the universe does not operate on notions of binary moral judgements; and by the same token, remember that most people’s actions have a reason behind them. By learning to see the world through the eyes of others, you will often be surprised to find that their actions are not unfair in their own eyes. If you are willing to let go of the fact that your own concepts of justice, truth, and fairness are  not shared by everyone, much of your resentment and frustration will fade.
6. Nobody likes to feel punished for something they did or said. In the same way, most other people will not feel that they deserve punishment or retaliation. Therefore, your rage will seldom achieve a positive or desired reaction from another person. Even if it does cajole someone else into doing what you want, it will build long-term resentment. Nobody likes to feel coerced into something; therefore, a positive reward system from you to another person will work much better.
7. When you face criticism, or others disagree with you, or do not behave as you would like, you  feel that you are faced with a loss of self-esteem, which in turn feeds your anger. In such situations, your anger will always be counterproductive, because the only person able to make you lose your self-esteem is you, and not others.
8. Unmet expectations are the father of frustration, and since we often perceive a disappointing event as a part of “reality” —something that happened—we feel it to be “realistic.” Therefore, our frustration results from our own “unrealistic” expectations. For example, if you are the kind of person who gets angry when someone, or yourself, loses something, it is because, in your mind, you live in a world where things never get misplaced. The simplest solution is to change your expectations rather than try to influence reality to conform.
9. For those of you who justify your anger by telling yourselves that you have the inalienable right to be angry…well: yes, you do. The issue, however, runs deeper, and what you may be better served by asking yourself is: is it to your advantage to be angry?
10. In case you resist these tips and strategies under the auspices that they are trying to turn you into a repressed, downtrodden robot with no feelings, remember that you do not need anger to feel human. Quite the opposite will happen, for example, if you rid yourself of that irritability. You will be bringing more peace, joy and productivity into your life, and by questioning your reactions and beliefs in a pondered and rational manner, will be increasing your self-knowledge and ability to self-regulate without resorting to drugs or alcohol as ineffective pacifiers.

Tabula Rasa Retreat has rapidly positioned itself as Europe’s premier ibogaine clinic. Located in the Alentejan region of Portugal, its clientele is mainly from the United Kingdom, Northern Europe, UAE and the USA. All treatments undergo medical vetting and are medically monitored and supervised. Our medical staff are ACLS trained. To support ibogaine treatments, expect holistic therapies such as breathwork, bodywork, massage, meditation, kundalini yoga, reiki, gong baths, drumming circles, equine assisted therapy, personal training and nutrition advice. This is further supported by 1:1 counselling and group therapy by our in-house counsellors.

For further information visit www.tabularasaretreat.com or call PT +351 965 751 649 UK +44 7961 355 530