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Supporting a Loved One’s Journey After Ibogaine Treatment: A Guide for Families

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Families and Healing After Ibogaine Treatment

A Guide for Families and Loved Ones

As your loved one returns from their ibogaine treatment, it’s essential to understand that this is not just a moment of recovery for them but a transformative journey that affects everyone around them. Plant medicines like ibogaine work in profound ways, offering new perspectives and the courage to make challenging changes. Here are some crucial reminders from our work here at Tabula Rasa Retreat, to help you support your loved one as they reintegrate into daily life, reshaping their path towards healing.

Understanding the Impact of Plant Medicines

Ibogaine, a powerful plant medicine, operates by making individuals more receptive to changes they previously found difficult. One of the significant shifts your loved one might experience is an enhanced ability to set boundaries. This newfound ability is not just a behavioural change but a deep-seated transformation that allows them to protect their well-being more effectively.
Plant medicines provide a unique opportunity to revisit key moments from the past. These moments, seen from a new, objective standpoint, often lead individuals to reassess their relationships. Your loved one might evaluate whether their past and present relationships align with their authentic self—the person behind their conditioning.

The Authentic Self

The concept of the “authentic self” refers to the true essence of a person, unburdened by inherited beliefs and societal conditioning. Conditioning is the sum of our inherited beliefs about who we are, both to ourselves and the world. During ibogaine treatment, your loved one might strip away layers of this conditioning, revealing a more genuine, but certainly a somewhat changed and new version of themselves, which might seem strange to you.

Adjusting to Change

It’s crucial to remember that while your loved one returns slightly changed, the people they come back to often remain the same. Practically, this means families and friends might continue responding to the old version of your loved one, not immediately recognizing or supporting the new self that’s emerging. This disparity can be challenging but is entirely normal. It takes time and patience to rebuild trust, both in oneself and in relationships with others.
When your loved one sets new boundaries, for example, understand that this can be as challenging for them as it is for you. However, difficult does not mean impossible. Healing is a collaborative effort, requiring mutual understanding and support. As the saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child,” and in a sense, when we experience a plant medicine, a part of us is reborn. Often, helping your loved one’s recovery journey can mean as much as taking an honest look at your own participation and role in their life, and whether you, too, might benefit from changing some patterns.

Addressing Emotional Trauma

Understanding the nature of emotional trauma is critical in supporting your loved one’s recovery. Trauma can manifest in different forms, and though it is perhaps excessively thrown around as an umbrella term, the concept does contain some hard truths, which can always encourage self-reflection and self-inquiry.

Big "T" Trauma

This type of trauma includes isolated or repeated traumatic events such as sexual or physical abuse, and have a profound impact on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being, leading to conditions like PTSD.

Little "t" Trauma

Little “t” traumas are the cumulative experiences of not having certain healthy, emotionally balanced interactions during a child’s early years. These traumas can be subtle yet pervasive, affecting an individual’s ability to form secure attachments and healthy relationships.
Both types of trauma can influence an individual’s behavior and coping mechanisms, and while Big “T” trauma is the domain of conditions such as PTSD and heavy substance and behavioural addictions, Little “t” trauma can also lead to substance and behavioural addictions.
In either case, as Dr. Gabor Maté insightfully points out, “the question shouldn’t be ‘why the addiction,’ but instead ‘why the pain?’” Understanding this can help you approach your loved one’s recovery with greater empathy and patience.

The Role of Family in Recovery

Recovery from mental health issues or addiction is not a solitary endeavour. It truly takes a village. Healing does not happen in isolation; it thrives in the “us” part of “Us”—togetherness. Your support and understanding are crucial components of your loved one’s recovery journey.

However, this does not mean that families should cater to every whim. Instead, it means creating space for honest, non-confrontational dialogue. When two people shout at each other, neither gets heard, and neither feels seen. Constructive communication is key to rebuilding relationships and supporting recovery.

Give your loved one the freedom to say “no,” especially when it comes to boundaries. Respecting these boundaries is vital. For a recovering addict, the ability to say “no” to addictive substances or behaviours begins with the ability to say “no” to triggering situations, which often involve certain family dynamics.

Also, equally important, is allowing your loved one the space to say “yes!” Encourage them in their exploration of new routines, even if to you it feels somewhat strange; remember—not everything resonates for everyone. Try to be compassionate, and allow the space for positive change while respecting certain new behaviours as your loved one tries to make first small, then bigger changes.

The Importance of Boundaries

We would like to remind you that an integral part of any self-care routine involves the drawing up and maintenance of boundaries—because we do not exist alone, and often have many people competing for our time and attention. Amid these demands, our space and time can easily become squashed into a little corner, either because we have learned to become people-pleasers, or because we have never been taught how to set boundaries.

Boundaries offer protection, physical balance, and a connection between intuition and are critical for experiencing genuine love. They are essential for all relationships, especially the one with ourselves. They act as barriers against the inappropriate, unacceptable, or unwanted, enabling us to safely express our true wants and needs, and preventing resentment whenever we deny our own needs.

Many of us struggle with saying “no,” leading to overcommitment and eventual breakdowns, followed by guilt and over-justification. If you identify with this, chances are you may benefit from rethinking and reinforcing your boundaries.

Boundaries and Addiction

For the families of those undergoing ibogaine treatment, it is important to note that you too might benefit from setting boundaries, especially if your loved one has been treated for addiction. Often, the blight of addiction over time causes significant and dysfunctional dynamics in the family unit.

Boundaries play a crucial role in the recovery process for families of recovering addicts, often proving to be even more vital for them than for the recovering addict themselves. When a loved one struggles with addiction, the entire family is affected, experiencing emotional turmoil, broken trust, and strained relationships. Establishing boundaries helps families heal and regain control over their lives, fostering a healthier environment for everyone involved.

Firstly, boundaries protect the emotional well-being of family members. Living with an addict can be emotionally draining, leading to feelings of resentment, anger, and helplessness. By setting clear boundaries, families can safeguard their mental health, ensuring they do not become enmeshed in the addict’s struggles. This emotional distance allows family members to support their loved one without sacrificing their own well-being. Boundaries also help rebuild trust and respect within the family.

Addiction often leads to deceit and broken promises, eroding the foundation of trust. Establishing and maintaining boundaries signals a commitment to rebuilding relationships based on honesty and mutual respect. It sets a clear expectation for behaviour, promoting accountability and integrity.

Furthermore, they empower family members to prioritize their needs and self-care. During addiction, or mental health recovery of a loved one, family members often neglect their own needs, focusing solely on the person in recovery.

Boundaries create a space where family members can pursue their interests, seek therapy, or engage in activities that bring them joy and fulfilment. This self-care is essential for their recovery from the trauma of addiction, or the mental health struggles of a loved one. Lastly, clear boundaries can go a long way to prevent enabling behaviours, which can harm the addict’s recovery specifically. Families, very often driven by love and fear, might inadvertently enable the addict by covering up their mistakes or providing financial support. Boundaries help family members avoid such behaviours, encouraging the addict to take responsibility for their actions and fostering a sense of independence.

Boundary Types

There are three main areas where we can benefit from imposing limits on how much of ourselves we give away. The three types of boundaries are physical, mental/emotional, and resource boundaries.

Physical Boundaries encompass your preferred level of physical contact, including the frequency and circumstances under which you desire it. They also involve your comfort with verbal remarks about your appearance, sexuality, or any aspect of your physical being. Additionally, they reflect how at ease you are with sharing your personal space with others.

Mental/Emotional Boundaries include comfortably expressing your thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and worldviews without altering them for others or pressuring others to agree. They’re also about how much you share regarding your personal faults, opinions, and beliefs without oversharing, and respecting others’ comfort levels in how much they choose to share, without insisting they overshare.

Resource Boundaries are about the autonomy to decide when and how you spend your time, steering clear of people-pleasing behaviors, and allowing others the same freedom. They include not taking on the responsibility for others’ emotions, not having to be a fixer, nor making others accountable for your feelings. Additionally, they involve setting limits on the time you dedicate to listening to others discuss their personal problems or issues.

How To Set Boundaries

If you’re unfamiliar with setting boundaries, you might feel guilty at first. This is normal, as many of us are taught to neglect our own needs, space, and energy. With practice, setting boundaries becomes more comfortable, and you’ll appreciate their value.

Tips for Setting Boundaries

  • Set boundaries when calm and grounded, not during arguments or conflicts.
  • Avoid over-explaining. If you tend to people-please, resist the urge to justify your boundaries or apologize for them. State them clearly and accept others’ responses without trying to alter them.
  • Remember, you can’t control how others react to your boundaries, but you can commit to maintaining them, even when it’s uncomfortable.
  • Boundaries are a form of kindness. Clear communication about how you wish to be treated is a sign of self-love and respect for others, showing them their importance in your life.
  • Detailed boundaries require more in-depth communication and follow-through actions; if ‘X’ happens, then ‘I’ will do ‘Y’.
  • Focus on yourself. Boundaries are about self-regulation, not changing others. If someone consistently violates or ignores your boundaries, it’s your responsibility to uphold them.
Below is a sample script for setting a detailed boundary. Use it as a flexible guide to start setting boundaries in a way that feels natural to you. We encourage you to write out your boundary first and reflect on how you want to say it.
“I am making some changes so that (insert your intention for your new boundary), and I hope you can understand that this is important to me. I’ve noticed recently that (insert your understanding of their behavior). Whenever you (insert problematic behavior or experience), I often feel (insert your feelings), and I understand that this is something you may not be aware of. In the future, (insert what you would or would not like to happen again). If (insert original problematic behavior or experience) happens again, I will (insert how you will respond differently to meet your own needs).”

Practical Tips for Supporting Your Loved One

  • 1. Patience and Understanding: Recovery is a gradual process. Be patient with your loved one and with yourself. Understand that change takes time and that setbacks are a natural part of the journey.
  • 2. Respect Boundaries: When your loved one sets new boundaries, respect them. This respect is a crucial part of their ability to stay on the path of recovery.
  • 3. Communicate Constructively: Foster an environment of open, honest communication. Avoid confrontational or accusatory language. Listen actively and speak with empathy.
  • 4. Educate Yourself: Learn about ibogaine treatment and its effects. Understanding the process your loved one has gone through will help you provide better support.
  • 5. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself. Joining support groups for families of recovering addicts can provide valuable insights and emotional support.
  • 6. Encourage Healthy Habits: Support your loved one in adopting healthy habits, such as regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and mindfulness practices.
  • 7. Create a Safe Environment: Ensure that your home environment is free from triggers that might tempt your loved one to relapse. This might involve making changes to routines or surroundings to support their recovery.
  • 8. Be Inclusive: Recovery is a shared journey. Include your loved one in family activities and decision-making processes, making them feel valued and included.

Moving Forward Together

The journey of recovery is a transformative experience that requires collective effort and understanding. As families and loved ones, your role is pivotal in creating a supportive and nurturing environment. Remember that while the road to recovery may be fraught with challenges, it is also a path of profound growth and healing. If you need advice on helping your loved one have the space to recover their authentic self after an ibogaine treatment, contact us at Tabula Rasa Retreat.

By embracing these reminders and approaching your loved one’s return with empathy, patience, and respect, you can help them integrate the lessons learned during their ibogaine treatment and support them in becoming their authentic self. Together, you can build a future grounded in mutual trust, love, and understanding.

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