It is rare to meet a person whose life is full of gratitude. Even though the course of a single day may bring innumerable blessings to us, the few moments of genuine gratitude we experience are often overshadowed by our complaints, disappointments, sorrows, and frustration. We may not truly appreciate what we have until it is gone. And having lost the opportunity to be grateful, we simply find a new opportunity to be disappointed. Gratitude requires attention and reflection. If we don’t pay attention, the countless and constant ways we are supported go unnoticed. If we don’t reflect, we fail to acquire the wisdom that comes with perspective. Through Naikan Therapy you have a chance to examine the details of all the care and support you have received throughout your entire life. Many people are struck by how much they have taken for granted. And too often we miss what is being done for us because our attention is caught up in feelings of selfishness, resentment or self-pity.
Naikan Therapy is an intense, self-reflective process, but one which we’ve seen have a tremendously positive effect on Tabula Rasa Retreat’s clients.
We’ve written before about Naikan Therapy, a new treatment that we’re very excited to offer our clients here at Tabula Rasa Retreat. Naikan is the Japanese term for “looking inside” or “seeing oneself through the mind’s eye.” The treatment was developed by Ishin Yoshimoto, a committed devotee of Buddhism who wanted to offer a more accessible way to practice the arduous self-reflection demanded by many Buddhist sects.
Naikan is structured to allow us to investigate and understand our relationships with ourselves, the other people in our lives, and the nature of our existence. It is focused on three fundamental questions which define interpersonal relationships:
What have I received from ______?
What have I given to ______?
What troubles and difficulties have I caused ______?
This practice may seem incredibly simple, and in many ways it is. The purpose of the therapy isn’t intellectual analysis. The goal of Naikan is to develop a truer understanding of one’s own life by reflecting on the nature of relationships. By practicing self-reflection it’s possible to gain a realistic sense of your own life, perceiving the motivations of yourself and others, and developing a sense of the gifts you receive every day from those around you.
As one adherent puts it: “As you list what you have received from another person, you become grounded in the simple reality of how you have been supported and cared for. In many cases, you may be surprised at the length or importance of the items on your list, and a deeper sense of gratitude and appreciation may be naturally stimulated.”
Alex’s Journey (The Pistachio Revelation)
“Alex” came to Tabula Rasa Retreat after a 35-year struggle with substances. He was looking to break free from addiction to morphine, heroin, and crack cocaine. With a helping hand from ibogaine therapy, he managed to get clean, but iboga treatment alone wasn’t enough to conquer the feelings of grief, regret, and resentment he had been carrying for decades. The death of his mother, a boss with whom he shared a deep connection, and beloved pets had put him in a dark, difficult emotional place, and he feared for his hard-won sobriety. When he contacted us about receiving more treatment, we strongly recommended that he sign up for Naikan therapy as well as ibogaine treatment. In spite of his reservations, he agreed, and he has shared his thoughts on the Naikan experience with us.
Alex describes himself as a stubborn sort of person, the type who would “chuck his toys out of the pram” if he didn’t want to play. And he admits that he was very close to giving up on Naikan as he began the therapy. It’s an arduous process that keeps the patient isolated except for half-hourly visits from their therapist, with breaks for exercise and meals. Alex struggled at first but persisted until he had a breakthrough.
He found himself craving pistachios as he contemplated his life, and requested some from Binod, our Naikan Therapy practitioner. As he was eating the snack, his thoughts wandered onto how, while most of the shells are split down the middle and yield their nuts easily, every bag of pistachios inevitably has a few shells which are entirely sealed up, stubbornly refusing to let what’s inside out. And most people, rather than taking the time to break them open, just throw them away. This thought opened up a flood of feelings, memories, and emotions for Alex.
“I realized… that is me, that’s the way I’ve treated myself. The guide cracked me open, and I cried for 4 days and nights.” Alex notes that after 35 years of counseling, meetings, and recovery at 10 different rehab facilities, he’d never opened up in this way. “I’d never managed to be cracked open before. I discovered that I’ve got to stop punishing myself.” He let go of years worth of pent-up grief and regret for his own choices. He let go of resentments he had been nursing for decades. After reflecting deeply on his loved ones who passed away, he says “I’m feeling like they want me to live my life… I’ve let go of the grief, the remorse, I can go out and live for myself.” He cites a new-found sense of freedom, and ownership of his own life and his choices as two of the primary benefits he received from the experience.
Naikan And Ibogaine: A powerful Combination
Alex describes the 1-2 punch of the ibogaine experience and the intense self-reflection of Naikan Therapy as “essential” for him. Ibogaine puts the patient into a deeply reflective state and allows the addicted mind freedom from toxic patterns of thought. Naikan can re-enforce these lessons, while allowing for a more positive and realistic view of relationships and life in general. As Alex puts it, “it’s so clever the way it works…every half hour I went through all my resentments, all my hurts… in that short period, I went through the 12 Steps in a way.” The process helped Alex to go through a list of wrongs and grievances that he had clung to for decades, allowing him to realize that his family and friends had been doing their best to help him, even when they were making mistakes and causing him pain. This realization changed his fundamental outlook on life.
The Naikan Therapy Experience at Tabula Rasa Retreat
Suppose you went away for one week to a small cottage in the mountains. It’s quiet and secluded. All your needs are provided for. Your meals are brought to your room. Your laundry and dishes are washed. You’re awakened early in the morning and an evening bell tells you it’s bedtime. There are no phone calls to answer or bills in the mail. There is no casual chatter and little noise. There is simply silence, a place to sit and a screen to watch. And on that screen is the story of your life. It’s based on a script, but not the revised, edited script you brought with you. No, this is reality’s original draft – what really happened. There is nothing to do each day but watch this movie. What would you learn about your life? At the end of the week, when you return home, filled with an expanded knowledge of how you have lived, how will you then live?
What actually happens during a Naikan retreat? Participants (called Naikansha) begin by reflecting on their mother. usually from the time of our birth through age six. Then they continue to reflect for three year periods (age 6-8, age 9-11 and so on). In this manner, their entire life can be examined in relation to their mother on a period by period basis. The Naikansha then examines the relationship to their father, siblings, spouse, children, teachers friends and co-workers. During the retreat, they will have an opportunity to reflect on those whom they may resent because of difficulty in the past. At the end of each period of reflection, usually 90-120 minutes, someone (the Mensetsusha) meets with the participant to listen to his or her Naikan reflection. The role of the Mensetsusha is to listen attentively and suggest the subject for the next period of reflection. Little dialog takes place since Naikan is self-reflection and what there is to be learned, is learned by searching and examining one’s own direct experience.
There is usually a daily work period (20 minutes), time for a shower, and three meals. Otherwise, the entire day, from 5:30 am to 9:30 pm is spent in quiet reflection. The Naikansha are given a small area in which to sit. This area is at least partially enclosed by Japanese screens or curtains. Traditionally, the Naikansha sit on the floor using cushions but accommodations can be made for those with physical limitations.
Naikan participants are encouraged to spend about sixty percent of their time on the third question–what troubles and difficulties have I caused others? This question is most challenging because relatively little attention has been directed toward it previously. More attention has been focused on how others caused the Naikansha difficulties. Now the Naikansha must look at themselves through the eyes of another. Every two hours, or so, the Naikan guide (Mensetsusha or Shidosha) comes and gives the participants an opportunity to report out what they have remembered about this period of their life. This process continues steadily as the participant gradually examines the details of their life and conduct towards others.
During the week you will receive healthful, vegetarian meals and get some exercise during the work period. You will spend the week contemplating your life in the presence of apple trees, organic gardens and goldfinches in the rolling hills of the Alentejan countryside
At Tabula Rasa Retreat, we’re happy that our commitment to offering holistic healing as a complement to ibogaine treatment has led us to Naikan therapy. Alex’s story is one of our first successes with this combination of treatments, and we’re confident that there will be many more. If you’d like to see what this unique combination of approaches can do for you, get in touch with us today!
For further information visit www.tabularasaretreat.com or call PT +351 965 751 649 UK +44 7961 355 530