Testimonials

Transcript – Natalie’s story – Ibogaine for heroin and crack addiction

Q 00:14 How was life a few months ago?

Oh God, life was awful, every day was just a struggle, just fear basically. Fear of being ill, because I couldn’t get my drugs, fear of having to find money, fear of not being able to get the drugs once I’ve got the money, fear of not being able to do them somewhere unnoticed, and then every day the same thing. And obviously, I’ve got family that really care about me, so it’s really difficult having to lie to them, keep them out of my life, and isolate myself, and just a really miserable existence basically.

Q 01:10 How did you hear about ibogaine?

My family wanted me to go to rehab, which I’ve done a couple of times and I wasn’t keen on doing it again because I just, I just knew it wasn’t, it wasn’t for me. It’s not something that I felt would help me, but obviously that didn’t go down well because they saw it as me not wanting to get better. So, I cut off from my family for a while which, you know, made me feel really bad and so one day I thought right, I’ll go down to the library and I’ll do some research, see if there’s rehab about, that is a bit more alternative for, you know, that does something that maybe, you know, is more applicable to me. Then, I came across this article of this guy who’d gone to Africa to do ibogaine, and then, and then yeah, I had not spoken to my dad for four months and I heard his mum was poorly and so obviously I rang him, see how he was doing, and it was funny because just a few days before I spoke to him, around the same time that I’d found out about ibogaine, he had found out about ayahuasca. He was saying, Natalie, you know I’ve found something that I think will help you, you know, that might help reset this pattern in your head of having to use drugs and it’s called ayahuasca. When he’s describing it, I said that sounds like what I’ve just looked at about ibogaine, and it was quite, it was quite surreal, really, almost like fate. So then we started investigating places where we could do it and unfortunately, the only place that did do it in England closed down because it’s illegal, but he found a phone number on there, he contacted them, can’t remember who it was, and they put him in contact with Tabula Rasa and that’s how we found it.

Q 03:29 Why did you choose Tabula Rasa Retreat?

We did look at other places, but they didn’t seem to offer the same level of care as they do here, you know, like the medical side of it, you know, because obviously seventeen years of being on heroin and especially with the crack as well, I was really worried about my health and I’ve heard about, you know, how it can affect your heart when you do ibogaine. And when I spoke to the people at these other resorts, they weren’t too fussed about, you know getting tests on before I came, you know, just come and we’ll see how you are, and things like that, and it just didn’t seem like, you know, they cared about me, just get here, pay the money, you know what I mean. When my dad was contacting here it was like, right we want these tests done, and you need to go through these steps, and that people knew what they were doing and, you know, also you’ve got the medical side and the fact that it’s such a homely sort of setting, it’s, I think, it’s a perfect balance.

Q 04:47 What was your experience like arriving here?

I arrived a day earlier because I couldn’t get a flight, so I had the place to myself and I was just overwhelmed with the beauty of it, it was just, it was lovely, you know, all the animals and the house itself, you know, it’s nice how it’s just out in the middle of nowhere, yeah, it’s, I was impressed.

Q 05:21 How was your ibogaine experience?

It wasn’t quite what I expected because, yeah, all the things that we’ve researched in the videos people saying like, you know, did the ibogaine, yeah I was a bit poorly for a couple of days but, you know, I had the gray day and then, the day after that I was like, I was amazing, and I assumed it’d be the same for me, but I don’t know if it was because, you know, I’ve just hammered my body or what, but I really really struggled with it because I was just so so ill for so long, but the actual experience of doing the ibogaine itself was all right, yeah you know, you get poorly and stuff, but that wasn’t too bad. It was afterwards, my body trying to recover, that’s what I struggled with.

Q 06:21 Any visuals?

I got a vision of like, like this big tree that me and like a community lived in the hollowness of this big huge tree. And all of a sudden this, this big black woman, but she was green, almost like a genie kind of shape, came floating up from the middle and, you know, she started like scolding me but, you know, like in a motherly sense. Like, you need to start looking after yourself, you know, you know, why you’ve been so hard on yourself, don’t be so cruel to your body, you know, start being healthy.

Q 07:09 What are the chances of you relapsing?

I think if I’d gone home, when I was supposed to go home, I was I was booked in for two weeks because they said I needed not just the week, like the other guy who was with me on the first week because, obviously the length of my addiction and my health, so I was supposed to go home yesterday, which was Sunday, after two weeks which obviously I was looking forward to going home, and if I’m perfectly honest, I had ideas of, you know, just going home and maybe using one more time. So, people were persuading me, you know, staying another week and I really didn’t want to but, the other half of my mind, I thought it would be good for me but I was adamant that I wanted to go home, and then I spoke to my dad, and I realized just how much people cared about me getting better, and that made me care about getting better, and I decided to stay an extra week, and just these past couple of days has made so much difference. I really think that this week will give me a much better chance of staying clean and it’s something that I actually feel quite positive that I’m not going to go back to.

Q 08:51 What are your thoughts on our supporting therapies?

Because I’ve been so poorly, I don’t think I’ve had the best of what they’re offering here yet because I’ve not been able to fully engage but, I’ m getting to a point where I’m starting to be able to take it in. I think the therapies will really help me this week. The exercises have been great, the people are really supportive. It’s different to other places I’ve been to, it’s not the same sort of therapies which didn’t help me, I think they’ve got the right idea here with the therapies of the use.

Q 09:43 How did you feel during and after the IRM online meeting?

At first I was a bit nervous about speaking to other people, but when I was actually doing it, I found it really helpful because I felt like, I was the only one who was struggling and that other people who have been here that had, you know, got it like that and then, you know, it had clicked for them straightaway, and I heard other people’s experiences saying, you know, that it doesn’t happen necessarily straightaway but, you know, a couple weeks down the line, you know, it’s really helped them, and that helped me because it gave me hope that, you know, I’m in the same boat with other people that, you know, it can work for me and yeah, it was definitely a good thing, speaking to the people online could really relate to them. In the past, you know, when I’ve tried to get myself clean, I’ve just tried to do it on my own, and you just can’t, you need other people that understand because although you family, they care and, you know, they want to understand, they’re not going to understand and you need to speak to people whom who have gone through what you’ve gone through and, you know, who can give you advice and give you support, so it’s definitely something that will help, so, it’s worth doing every week, I reckon.

Q 11:27 How do you feel about tour future?

I feel actually really positive, which is nice because I’ve not I’ve not felt like that while, I’ve been feeling so rubbish. But now that I’m feeling better, my whole mindsets changed, you know. I’ve got goals that I want to achieve and, you know. I’m not trying to, not trying to think too big about, you know, doing all these things that I’ve missed out on, you know, like going to uni and getting a great job, I just want to do little things that are just going to help me get by every day. So, I’m quite positive about when I get back that I’ll be able to cope, so, yeah, mentally I’m in a good place right now.

Q 12:25 Any final thoughts?

Not to think of it as some miracle cure which, which a lot of stuff out there, when I was researching, it was coming across as like, something that you take, you to be totally fixed, you have got to suffer a bit but that’s, that’s all part of it because if you don’t suffer, it’s not going to be worth it, but it’s, if you can stick it out, it is worth it in the end definitely. Because I’ve tried so many different things and they just, they just don’t give you what you need and I think this this is something that will definitely help people and it’s, you know, it’s natural, it’s a plant, you know, it’s not methadone, it’s not stuff that ruins your body, it’s something that can actually really heal you. So, stick with it even if you feel crap for, you know, a week or two weeks like I did, it gets better, and you know, it’s a good thing, it’s a good thing they’re doing here.

Disclaimer: Ibogaine is a potentially illegal substance (often sits in a grey area of the law), and we do not encourage or condone the use of this substance where it is against the law. However, we accept that illegal drug use occurs, and believe that offering responsible harm reduction information and solutions is imperative to keeping people safe. For that reason, we share client testimonials, post treatment with Tabula Rasa Retreat, to show that there are ‘other ways’ to tackle addiction and spiritual malaise. We consider ibogaine as a very useful ‘tool’ in the recovery toolbox. Ibogaine is a safe option, if used responsibly, and where strict safety protocols are followed.

You are safe with us.
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Tabula Rasa Retreat has rapidly positioned itself as Europe’s premier ibogaine clinic. Located in the Alentejan region of Portugal, its clientele is mainly from the United Kingdom, Northern Europe, UAE and the USA. All treatments undergo medical vetting and are medically monitored and supervised. Our medical staff are ACLS trained. To support ibogaine treatments, expect holistic therapies such as breathwork, bodywork, massage, meditation, kundalini yoga, reiki, gong baths, drumming circles, equine assisted therapy, personal training and nutrition advice. This is further supported by 1:1 counselling and group therapy by our in-house counsellors.
For further information visit www.tabularasaretreat.com or call PT +351 965 751 649 UK +44 7961 355 530